As the World has successfully found the Fittest Man and Woman on Earth for many consecutive years through the notorious CrossFit Games, a secret fit-weapon has been revealed. Supplements companies have collected the fittest microbes on Earth to help the athletes through their journey of fitness. A secret supplements company, until now known only by high levels athletes, sells the fittest microbiome on Earth: FITBIOTICS Inc.


After years of work and countless microbial sampling, the company has finally achieve to gather ALL microbes from ALL the fittest athletes in ALL domains aiming to transfer the “Crème de la crème” of ALL microbiomes from these super athletes to anyone. Forget the barbells, kettle bells, dumbbells and all other training gear. The hours of endless running, burpees, air squats, pull-ups, and jump rope have ended. To achieve the level of fitness reached by the reigning Champs, you only need to include the α-FITBIOME in your daily shake and you will have the FITTEST MICROBIOME ON EARTH! To achieve maximal results, FITBIOTICS Inc. recommends that you also take a one-hour daily bath with one scoop of their α-FITBIOME. When tested on completely inactive people with poor eating habits, this treatment has been shown to help improve strength and endurance by 300%*. And to all readers greatly informed about the risks of DNA in food, don’t worry; this product definitively contains no DNA (


You are dreaming of lifting 200 pounds, running a marathon, completing an ironman or deadlifting 2.5 times your bodyweight? Don’t wait any longer and run to your closest store to get your


 *Only when combined with a radical change in nutrition and daily physical conditioning activities.

Author: Jonathan Eisen

I am an evolutionary biologist and a Professor at U. C. Davis. (see my lab site here). My research focuses on the origin of novelty (how new processes and functions originate). To study this I focus on sequencing and analyzing genomes of organisms, especially microbes and using phylogenomic analysis

One thought on “FITBIOTICS”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: